Things I've been thinking about lately

At my church we've been going through a series called "Creating Space." It's basically about what it sounds like it's about. Creating space in our lives. The first message particularly spoke to me. He was talking about giving yourself more time, so you aren't just rushing to places last minute. He was specifically talking about church so that you can get yourself in the frame of mind to worship, but I needed to hear that for all aspects of my life. He also talked about just resting in God's sovereignty, trusting Him to work and not feeling like we have to do all this stuff in order for things to happen. Which was something that I needed to be reminded of at that time. I have all these things that I want for me and Jason, and our future family, and I have to just remember that God knows best (so I may not even really want what I think I want) and that He will work things out in my life according to His will. And I don't have to work so hard to make it happen. Not that I just sit back and do nothing, but it's not up to me. I'm not in charge.

Also in our small group, we've been reading the book Crazy Love. I really like it so far. But in one of the chapters he talks about the fact that we aren't promised tomorrow. Yet we live like we are entitled to it. I've heard the sermons before about the passage in James, where it says not to boast about tomorrow, because you don't know what a day will bring. But I guess this was the same weekend as the first Creating Space message, and something was said about that passage that really hit me about God's sovereignty again. Not only could something happen causing us to not be here tomorrow, but also something could happen to take us along a completely different path than we planned. There have been many things in my life that have changed as a result of events and decisions that were made within a day. So it just reiterated to me that God is in control, He knows what tomorrow will bring, and thankfully, I can trust that He loves me.

In that same chapter of Crazy Love, he talks about 50 or 100 years from now, nobody will even remember you. That made me think about how my sister has been doing some research on our ancestry. And it's true, some of those names are just names. It's who I came from, but I don't know them. I'm sure their lives were just as important to them as mine is to me, but apart from a few details, I know nothing about them or what they felt was important. The author states that our lives are basically two-fifths of a second in God's timeline. Makes you feel pretty insignificant, doesn't it? And makes you think twice about what is important.

Of course, that doesn't mean I don't still want things that are probably meaningless. But I'm just realizing that they aren't as important, and if it happens, great, but if not, then my life is still blessed.

Long Overdue

It has been way too long since I've blogged. My scrapbooking has taken over for the last couple of months, but now I'm on spring break, and I wanted to update.

Things have been going well. Work has been busy, but not too overwhelming. But spring break was definitely needed. I'm trying to appreciate this week off and not look ahead to the 8 or 9 weeks of school that I have left. I know, most people don't get this much time off, which is why I want to appreciate it. I just would be completely satisfied if I never had to work again. At least I think I would be. Who knows.

I have now been singing somewhat regularly on Saturday nights at Grace. I've been put on the schedule a couple of times a month. It's a lot different than singing at Idlewild, so I'm still getting used to it. But I love getting to be a part of it. Plus I'm still singing every other month in the Sunday Blend service.

Also, Jason and I started going to a small group, which is Grace's version of Sunday school or Bible Fellowship. We actually weren't planning to go to one anytime soon because of Jason's class 2 nights a week, but we went to a weekend marriage seminar where they were advertising new small groups. We saw one that was meeting on Sunday nights near where we live, so we decided to try it. We've only met 3 times, but I can tell it's going to be a good group and a good thing for us. So I'm thankful for the opportunity to get to know some more people at Grace, which is something I was needing.

Like I said, I've been doing a lot of scrapbooking in the last couple of months. I get things done a lot more quickly than I did when I first started. This is partly because I'm buying things rather than trying to make them. Yeah, I'm not quite at that point yet, but maybe I will one day. I was excited, though, because I won something from the website I go to. Scrapgirls.com does a newsletter 6 days a week. On Saturdays, they feature layouts as weekly winners, and sometimes monthly winners. I was looking at the newsletter a few weeks ago, and one of my layouts was a "weekly layout winner"! I was surprised because I had posted the layout about a month before, so I didn't expect it to be one that would be featured. Here's the layout.

It's from when Amy and the girls were here, and we went to Lowry Park Zoo one of the days. I used a layout template by Angie Briggs, and the paper and embellishments were by Trish Yochum. The February tag was by Amanda Sok. I won $5 to spend in the store, which doesn't sound like a lot, but most of the digital supplies range from $3 to $10, so it's really pretty cool. Later that week I also got $3 to spend from the site for my birthday, so it worked out pretty well for me.

Speaking of my birthday, I turned 37 on March 23. I was a little weirded out by the number, because it's such an odd number, and frankly, it just sounds OLD. However, for some reason, my age has come up a lot lately, and it's really nice to hear that people are surprised to hear my age because they thought I was much younger. (I assume that's a compliment of how young I look, and not an insult to my maturity-hahaha). But, I guess it's probably a combination of my mother's genes and the fact that I am not a mother yet. I'm afraid that as soon as I have kids I'll immediately age :) But probably not, since my mom still looks good for her age. So, yay for good genes!

On another note, I do need to lose weight. I don't feel that heavy, but I have seen pictures of myself lately, and I am truly surprised at how heavy I look. I just have very little motivation to do anything. But, I think I'm slowly working up to it. I really would like to lose some weight before I go and get pregnant and put it back on. So I guess I better get to working on it. I think I wrote about P90X a few months ago, and we never really started it. We're talking about it again, so hopefully I'll update about that soon.

I had a great time with Amy and the girls. Just when I was getting used to them being here, they went back to Germany this morning. But I know Ben was missing them and ready for them to come back. I was glad that I got to see Ava while she was still a little baby. Of course, I don't know when the next time that I'll see them is, but we'll see.

I was so struck by how cute my 4-year-old niece, Jordan, is. I think all of my nieces and nephews are cute, but she is so expressive and dramatic, and she can't say the /r/ sound very well, so it's just very cute. We kept playing "ballet school." I was the teacher and I usually just sat on the bed and held Ava. Jordan played the different fairies from the Tinkerbell movie, which I haven't seen, so I was wondering where she came up with names like Iridesca, Rosetta, and Silvermiss.  She would climb up on the bed (and told me to pretend she was flying since she couldn't fly for real) and then she would jump off, and proceed to do these ballet moves. It was just too cute. I think I've said this before, I take so many pictures of my nephews and nieces. At this point, I'm going to have a ton more of them than I do of my own children.

Show Yourself Friendly

I've been thinking a little bit lately about what being a good friend looks like. The verse in Proverbs says to have friends you must be friendly. I've always considered myself to be a friendly person, but as I've been thinking about it more, I don't think I'm as friendly as I should be. There have definitely been the times that I was focused on poeple I was around and was not friendly toward others who weren't in my "sight." That's not friendly.

I have a friend who really takes time to listen to people, always has a kind word when she's stopped by them, and people are drawn to her. I want to be more like that as a person. Kind, caring, getting out of myself more. I see God growing me toward that, but I'm definitely not where I want to be at all.

This is a good time for this, since I've changed churches, and am not really around my friends a lot right now. I haven't really made a lot of effort to make new friends yet, but I'm thinking it's time. Honestly, even when I was there, a lot of the people were more acquaintances than friends anyway. But I guess that's where friendship starts.

I think part of what has kept me from reaching out as much is a fear of rejection by people. But, I guess you have to take risks to get the rewards, huh. And God does want us to connect with people. And He doesn't want me to sit on the sidelines because I was afraid. I've always said that He brings people across my path at the right time, which He does, but that also can be an excuse to not reach out myself.

I guess, as always, it goes back to doing to others what you would want them to do to you. The way that I would want someone to be friendly to me, I need to do.

Catching Up

It's been almost a month since my last post. Things have been going pretty good. Very busy at work, but I'm determined not to get overwhelmed like I usually do. Although there are aspects about the middle school that I like, I'm trying to figure out if I'll want to stay there next school year. Elementary is my thing, I think. But we'll see how things work out. It's a nice variety to have both.

I finally got to meet my new niece, Ava! Amy, Jordan, and Ava visited from Germany. They've been here for about 3 weeks. It's been so good to see them, and we've had a lot of fun together. I took a day off and we went with my parents up to Lake Panasoffkee to see my grandparents. Amy and I took the kids to Lowry Park Zoo when I was off for "fair day." Then we just hung out at our house for a little bit. I've really noticed how expressive and dramatic my niece Jordan can be. And she hasn't quite got all her speech sounds yet, so she is just so cute when she talks sometimes.

The same week that Amy was coming into town, we found out that my dad was going to have quadruple bypass surgery. It was totally a surprise thing. Not like he had a heart attack or anything. He had just been feeling tired and short of breath, so he went to the doctor, got sent to the cardiologist, and had to do have a heart cath. That's when they found the blockage and said that he would need surgery. It was disconcerting, but it has become so much more common, and he seems to be recovering very well. But that week in particular I was feeling emotion overload, and I was really over it.

The weekend before my dad's surgery, Jason and I took our parents to Wicked. It was my third time and Jason's second time to see it. It was a lot of fun, and so good, again. I was singing the songs for a week!

I'm now singing background vocals every other month in the Blend service at Grace Family Church. When I started in October, I ended up singing every Sunday until I asked for a couple of Sundays off in December. That's because Jason and I usually go to the Saturday night service, so when I sing, I have to get up again the next day. So, it's not something I want to do every Sunday. So the girl who's leading found someone to switch off with me. I was used to doing 2 weeks on/off at Idlewild, and this is 1 month on/off. I was off the entire month of January, which was a nice break. And now, I've enjoyed being back in February.

I also got to try singing at the Saturday night service this last week. I was nervous beforehand, but once I got there, it was a lot of fun. Jason went with me to the soundcheck, which was good, because he pointed out that I was trying to sing over the band. I also had to sing with earbuds in, which I hadn't had to do in a long time. I think that was part of why I wasn't aware of how loud I was singing. Anyway, I really enjoyed getting to sing, and would love to do it again sometime, so we'll see what happens.

I'm so glad my favorite show, LOST is back on, even though it's the final season. It's still so good. I really need to catch up on a lot of the blogs that I "follow" that focus on the show.

I guess that's why I haven't been able to blog in a while. I've been so busy with these other things. Amy and the girls go back to Germany in a few days. I would so love to visit them while they're there, but we are trying to save money for when we have children.

I know I've already mentioned work, but I've felt very productive this week, which is a good feeling. I want that to continue for the next few weeks, especially. It's always hard in this stretch of time before spring break. But we have FCAT and then the Stanford testing for the 1st and 2nd graders, so really, it will be here before I know it.

So long, Benji

A couple of months ago I started a post that I never finished about how chaotic it had been to have 3 animals in our tiny house. I had Deja before I even met Jason. Then about a year and a half ago, I was working at Town & Country Elementary and three little kittens were found. We were told that they would probably be euthanized if they were brought in without their mom. Jason urged me to bring one home, which surprised me, since he didn't really like Deja then. So, then we had two cats, Deja and Benji.

Benji was so cute and liked to cuddle. But he often terrorized Deja. He grew so big, and he was just always getting into things. By August, we got our miniature schnauzer, Desmond. For most of that time since then, I was always having to keep Desmond and Benji separated, or I had to get onto Benji for pouncing on Deja. It really was driving me crazy.(This picture was a constant sight) But, when Jason said he was ready to give Benji away because he was constantly getting into everything, I resisted. I'm very sensitive about animals, and I probably assume too much feeling on their part. Like, I thought he would feel rejected (even though I know that as long as he's fed, he's probably content). But I hate seeing them at the pet store or in shelters, because I always feel bad for them.

Anyway, I had asked one of my friends to take him. I thought that he'd be great as an only cat. But, on New Year's Eve, he (not on purpose) scratched my hand. He had been sitting on my lap minding his own business. Desmond had gone after Deja, who cried, which perked Benji up. He went to jump off of me to get in on the action, and his claws scratched me. It was a pretty bad scratch. But that did it for Jason. So, the next day I contacted my friend, but she wouldn't be able to take him for a couple of weeks (plus, I think she was just being nice). She suggested St. Francis animal shelter, because they don't euthanize the animals. They foster them before adopting them. I told Jason that he had to do it, I couldn't. So, that was it for Benji.

I cried. It was a little traumatic for me, especially on New Year's Day! But, I told myself that Benji would be fine, and he would go to a family that would love him. And, I had to admit, I saw the difference in the other two that night. Before, Deja always had to sneak around, watching out for an attack by Benji. And like I said earlier, he and Desmond were constantly after each other. (Jason thinks Benji was giving off some sort of vibe to Desmond.) But now, I could tell Deja felt more freedom, and Desmond has been a lot calmer. And, of course when we have kids, I wouldn't want them to get scratched up by Benji, whether on accident or on purpose. Because that wasn't the only scratch from him. I have two scars on my foot from one time he ran past me, and his claws sliced my foot. So, I'm sure most people are wondering why it was so hard for me to get rid of him, but I felt like one of those people who adopt a child and then give them back. I'm a lot better with it now, though. It's the best thing for us.

It's funny, though, Deja seems to sometimes like being chased by Desmond. Yesterday Jason and I were both in the kitchen. Desmond was in there with us, and I saw Deja in the living room walking by the kitchen doorway. I saw her act like she was going to take off running, stop, look over at Desmond, act like she was going to take off, stop, look at him, and so forth like three times. I laughed, because I knew she wanted him to chase her, so I said, "Hey, Deja!" knowing that Desmond would run after her. Sure enough, Deja shot off, then they ran around for a couple of minutes. Cute.

The thing I miss the most about Benji is that he would come sit on my lap or sit on the arm of the couch and put his paws on my shoulder. Deja doesn't do that. I wish she did. But, I don't miss all that chaos and constant scuffling between them. So I have to say, it's a lot better. (Even though I still love Benji)

It's 2010!

I always love to read back through my journal at the end of the year, and reflect on everything that has happened in the year. I also write a review, highlighting important things that happened, for my own remembrance. So, this year I did the same thing. I always find it enlightening and exciting. It reminds me that no matter what bad happened, there were some good times, too. And in the bad, I usually find lessons to remember as well.

For me, 2009 was a year of a lot of changes. I went from having 3 niece/nephews to 5. Jason's brother had a baby in January and my sister had a baby in October. I went from singing on the praise team at Idlewild to singing in the Blend service at Grace. I went from working at Crestwood Elementary to working at Woodbridge Elementary. I went from having all of my immediate family living in Florida to having a sister who lives in Germany. But, despite the changes, it was a good year. From my journal, I can see that it was a big lesson for me in contentment. I still haven't mastered that, but I definitely think it's gotten better. A lot of what I wrote in my journal was prayer for being in a different situation (financially or with work) than I was in. Thankfully, I haven't felt that way at work in the fall. And, financially...well, I'm just trusting God. We're doing OK. Sure, our house is small, but it's enough for us for right now. And I'm thankful to call it our own.

But, I'm looking forward to seeing what 2010 holds this year. A facebook friend said it yesterday, so I'll repeat it...I don't know what it holds, but I do know God is there. That's reassuring.

I had a great Christmas season, I'll write more with pictures later.